“There is an simple solution to every human problem – easy, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
It’s easy in our debate-oriented culture to get stuck in an exchange of positions and arguments over who is right or what is wrong. So how do you move through that?
Here is one question that often works to change the pattern when a conversation starts falling into an unproductive exchange of competing views:
“How would you like it to be?”
This can also be asked in the form of an invitation: “I think we are getting lost in the details, can we talk for a moment of how we would like it to be?”
This question (or invitation) opens a path for dialogue, steering away from debates on who is to blame, or what action should be taken, or whose information is better. Instead this question/invitation shifts the focus to desired outcomes in a shared future. It invites creativity, invokes values, and offers hope – all in just 7 words.
Then, as you listen to and reflect on the responses to this question, you can further expand the dialogue by asking questions that gently explore definitions of terms used by the speaker (e.g., can you tell me more about your definition of democracy? what do you mean by “a great nation”, who is “we” or “they”?). You can also ask questions that explore the “why” of the preferred outcomes. And as to any proposed outcome you might also ask “how might we get there”?
Both the opening question and the exploratory questions that follow provide more opportunities than do our standard forms of conversation to make a shared connection whether to values, to hoped for outcomes, or to the hurts that need healing.
In recent conversations I have had, people across the partisan continuum have expressed concern for their families and a desire to see “more human values” or “respect for human dignity” in our policies. Many also want to “live their lives in peace”. They connect with each other as they share stories and imagine a better future for us all. That connection is what is needed to help us work through the difficult issues together.
In our next post we will look further at the issue of pursuing both peace and prosperity, what the data tells us, and how that data can be used in building an ongoing dialogue.
Posted in democracy, dialogue, government, Dialogue, politics, Resources, Working With Conflict
Tagged democracy, Dialogue, dialogue patterns, dignity, listening, partisan politics, peace, politics, prosperity, questions
If we are going to live well together, we need to learn how to talk with each other. Not at each other, not past each other, but with each other. This is hard to do because it’s not how we’re taught.
We’re often taught to assert our views and to dismiss those with which we disagree. The patterns of debate, deflection, distortion, and simple dismissal regularly appear in the news, social media, political discourse, and even in many day to day interactions. We need new patterns.
Here are some resources that can help:
All these resources illustrate that dialogue starts with relationship – you have to care for and value your connection with those you wish to engage. Dialogue also requires respect for views that differ from yours. This doesn’t mean agreement with those views, but it does mean showing an interest in and willingness to consider what others have to say. And dialogue requires self-control. Yes it may feel good in the moment to rant or vent, but that will only set you back. Scoring “points” through clever put downs and firing off the evidence supporting your position will only invite defensiveness. What does work is listening, asking questions that show both your care for and your interest in the person you are talking to, and reflecting back your understanding of what you have heard before sharing your own thoughts.
Yes dialogue is hard, and you can do this!
If you have questions you would like to ask about dialogue or additional resources you would like to share, post comments below or send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Posted in democracy, dialogue, government, Dialogue, politics, Resources
Tagged bridging divides, Dialogue, dialogue on race, dialogue patterns, dialogue skills, diatribe, Difficult Dialogues, divisiveness, partisan politics, politics, productive dialogues, relationship, respect
The Federal Republic of Germany was formed in the wake of one of the most infamous dictatorships in history – the Third Reich. That dictatorship was made possible when leaders in the Weimar Republic effectively eliminated legislative oversight of the Executive Branch. Without such oversight, Hitler acted quickly to consolidate his power and limit civil liberties, leading to the death of millions.
Given this history, it is not surprising that a key focus of the German post-war constitution was ensuring sufficient and ongoing oversight of the Executive Branch. The Bundestag – which is analogous to the United States House of Representatives – exercises this oversight power. As is stated in its public relations guide, Facts: The Bundestag at a glance, the Bundestag “exercises an important power of scrutiny over the Government. No Chancellor or government minister can escape this scrutiny.” Specifically,
The executive branch is “required to keep the Bundestag regularly informed of its plans and intentions.”
The Bundestag also has the right to appoint committees of inquiry, and it is required to do so if one quarter of its members request it. The role of these committees is to “investigate possible abuses in government and administration and possible misconduct on the part of politicians. “
The committees of inquiry can order the executive branch to submit files, and call government representatives as witnesses.
Other parliamentary groups can also demand written information on particular issues, and these can lead to “parliamentary debates in which the Government is required to present its case and answer questions.”
Even individual members “can submit written questions to the Government, and government representatives are required to give direct answers to those questions” at question and answer sessions with ministers at scheduled times.
Germany is not the only country that has experienced a struggle between its democracy and a leader who resists oversight. The book How Democracies Die, details multiple instances of democracies in both Europe and South America that were undermined and diminished by autocratic leaders who rejected legislative oversight and denied the legitimacy of their political opponents. It is not uncommon for an autocratic leader to dismiss oversight efforts as subversive, criminal, disloyal, or opposed to constitutional order. Legislative oversight is not, however, a departure from our constitutional order. Legislative oversight is one of the foundations of a democratic government.
How robust is our democracy? That depends on us. As the authors of How Democracies Die point out, “Democratic institutions depend crucially on the willingness of governing parties to defend them – even against their own leaders.” That means speaking up for democratic values and democratic institutions. Critical thinking, independent judgment, a willingness to review information from many different sources, the ability to defuse appeals to hate and fear, and dialogue across partisan lines both by citizens and parties, are all important tools for strengthening our democracy. If you care about your freedom and your democracy, use them, and request that your elected representatives do so as well.
Posted in democracy, dialogue, government, Dialogue, politics, Resources
Tagged accountabiity, Bundestag, democracy, democracy decline, executive oversight, executive power, Germany, government, legislative oversight, partisan politics, politics, United States
In a recent dialogue class for older students we were discussing the “American Dream” and how this concept shifted over time from a dream based in community (“with liberty and justice for all”) to one rooted in more individually focused consumerism, with a particular focus on home ownership. In previous discussions members of the class had expressed a concern for loss of community and expressed dismay at our bitterly partisan politics. On this day, the class agreed that one dream they had for the next generation was a political system that was less chaotic and divisive, more productive, and one that encouraged individuals and groups to explore ideas, analyze information, and work together.
What might help us move toward that dream? A place to start is promoting dialogue rather than talking past each other. Another class, held in the Spring of 2018 developed this “citizen’s guide” to encourage just that. We recommend this guide to anyone interested in more productive political dialogue before, during, and after our upcoming elections.
Posted in democracy, dialogue, government, Dialogue, Our Work, politics, Resources
Tagged communication, community, Dialogue, guides, healing our politics, partisan divides, partisan politics, politics, Resources, teaching, USA
This year the American Bar Association’s Mediation Week returns to the themes of civility and Rule of Law. We are participating in Mediation Week in the following ways:
The ABA has also put together an useful list of resources for those interested in dialogue.
Posted in ABA Mediation Week, democracy, dialogue, government, Dialogue, politics, Resources
Tagged Better Angels, civic engagement, civility, democracy, Dialogue, mediation week, partisan politics, partisanship, politics, Resources, rule of law, USA